Congratulations, you’re having a baby! Now What?

  Whether you and your spouse have long awaited this new addition to your family, or it came as a complete surprise, you are probably picturing how your life is about to change. Having a baby can create a flood of emotions. You are probably excited, nervous, overjoyed, scared, or all of the above. In addition to adding a new baby to the family, changes often also occur in your relationship with your spouse. The transition to parenthood can be a stressful period for a couple. “It is the arrival of the first child which is the most challenging as a person changes into a parent and a couple into a family with children (Polomeno, 2007).” When the foundation of a couple’s marriage is strong beforehand, couples and their children will reap the benefits. The purpose of this program is to help create a strong foundation between you and your partner, so that you can give your children the gift of a stable and loving relationship.

 

Creating and Maintaining a Strong Marriage through the Foundation of Friendship.

If you were to ask yourself, “How well do I know my spouse?” What would your answer be?  In times of transition, like pregnancy and the anticipation of a complete life change, a person can have new or old fears or doubts come up.  The importance of maintaining friendship in times of transition is a key factor in any major life changes, but especially in becoming parents for the first time.  Knowing your partner's fears, experiences, excitements, and a general idea of what is happening in their life will create a frame of reference for when the big day arrives and the real transition begins. Let’s face it, becoming a parent is scary.   For most marriages, marital satisfaction declines after the birth of the first child. (Gottman, Shapiro, & Parthemer, 2004) Make it a goal to avoid this decline and come through this transition more unified with your spouse. 

The Four Agreements is a wonderful resource in maintaining a solid foundation of friendship in a marriage.  Yes, it is a very holistic approach (this book is well loved by yogis the world over) but the principles are sound and proven in any relationship.  Agreements two and three are 2. Don’t take anything personally, and 3. Don’t make assumptions. Knowing your partner and having a constantly updated friendship foundation will help in both not taking a your partner’s bad mood personally and also avoiding assumptions as to why they are having a bad day in the first place.

 We have a little activity with some questions that you could ask your spouse to help build a new layer of your friendship that is specific to becoming a parent for the first time.  Don’t feel like you need to ask all these questions of one another all at once.  Some of them may need further discussion, and that is a-okay!  Set up a date night and go to your favorite restaurant, or order in from your favorite Chinese place, or cook dinner together while you go through these questions.  The important thing is that you are both taking the time to get to know each other in a different light before the baby arrives.  Some of these questions you probably already know the answer to, but some you may not, and some answers may change because now you are answering them through the lens of a soon-to-be parent.  Keep that in mind!

v  What are most excited about with the new baby?

v  What is your biggest fear about becoming a parent?

v  What are your life dreams?

v  Overall, what was your childhood like?  Is there anything that you would want to change about it or do differently?

v  What are you most excited about lately (besides the baby)?

v  How often were you around babies growing up?

v  What are some important things coming up in your life besides the baby?

v  What do you like to do in your free time?

v  What is your favorite way to spend the day together?

v  What is your favorite way to celebrate a birthday? How did you celebrate birthdays as a child?

v  What do you like to do to relax?

v  What are your favorite restaurants?

These may seem like silly questions, and I hope you came up with lots more on your own!  What the goal of this activity is to lay a foundation of things you already know about your partner so when that stressful day comes, you will already have a good idea of what it is about and know how to offer comfort and support!  

           

References

Belsky J., & Rovine, M. (1990). Patterns of Marital Change across the Transition to

Parenthood: Pregnancy to Three Years Postpartum. Journal of Marriage and Family, (1), 5. https://doi-org.byui.idm.oclc.org/10.2307/352833

Gottman JM, Shapiro AF, & Parthemer J. (2004). Bringing baby home: a workshop for new and

expectant parents. International Journal of Childbirth Education, 19(3), 28–30. Retrieved from https://byui.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-ebscohost-com.byui.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=cin20&AN=106600143&site=eds-live

Miguel, D.R., (1997) The four agreements: A practical guide for personal freedom. San Rafael, California: Amber-Allen Publishing.

Polomeno, V. (2007). Marriage in the Transition to Parenthood: How Can Perinatal Education

 Help? Or Can It? International Journal of Childbirth Education, 22(2), 21–29. Retrieved from https://byui.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-ebscohost-com.byui.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=awh&AN=25608601&site=eds-live

<!-- Global site tag (gtag.js) - Google Analytics -->

<script async src="https://www.googletagmanager.com/gtag/js?id=UA-129393533-1"></script>

<script>

  window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || [];

  function gtag(){dataLayer.push(arguments);}

  gtag('js', new Date());

  gtag('config', 'UA-129393533-1');

</script>